Looking Back....The Last Year

My grandmother always said, “Don’t worry until the knife is at your throat.” When you type that out, it’s kind of disturbing for a grandmother to say — but that was Rosie. She also said, “There are three sides to every story: my version, your version, and what actually happened.” I think that’s true. This my version of the back story.

A Good Beginning

I've said many times, 2023 was the best year I've had. I was living my best life. Casually dating, lifting weights, traveling a ton, playing in a trivia league, I finally got the tattoos I had always wanted and the most important piece, for the first time ever, I was living anxiety-free. My calendar was packed and life was really good. The only thing missing was a partner who doubled as my adventure buddy.

Then one cold spring day, I swiped right on someone who would change everything. She lived in Chicago. I was in Indy.

Our first date was fine. Not fireworks, but she was cute and interesting enough to want to see again. The year before, I had conquered my fear of flying. I was living life to the fullest. I asked her out again and said, “We could go to Olive Garden… or we could fly to Florida for dinner on the beach.” She replied, “I like how you think.” Two weeks later, we met at the Sarasota airport. I didn’t have any expectations, but we had an amazing weekend. It was effortless. From then on, we spent every weekend together. I kept my own life during the week, and our weekends were ours. Easy. Fun. This was good!

Things Changed

A few months in things didn't feel right. It was hard to explain, we were having fun on the weekends, had a solid connection, we were meeting each other's friends and families, but something was missing.

Enter Lana

That’s when I called Lana. I first met her in 2003 when I scheduled a therapy appointment for bad anxiety. She became my mentor and my favorite hour of the week. Lana is so smart, a high-powered Manhattan woman who ran a large development company with her husband and became a therapist for a few select clients on the side. When I walked into her office for the first time, she was wearing trendy eye glasses and swore.  Way back then she told me I was anxious because I wasn't living the life I was capable of. She talked to me for an hour and said, you need a run a large company and you'll better. What? One day I missed an appointment and heard her banging on my door "you have an appointment". She wasn't your typical therapist. We’ve stayed in touch for over twenty years. I smile as I write this. She changed my life.

We talked for an hour that fall afternoon. I told her I didn’t think the relationship was right for me. She listened, then said, “You need to hop on a plane, get on a train, get in your car, I don’t care how but you need to get the f*&k away from this person." Then she added, “You’re still not living up to your potential. I want you to go apply to be the CEO of a company. Do it as an exercise. I’ll talk to you later and get your head out of your ass.” Call ended.

The Coincidence

Lana has never steered me wrong. I did what she suggested. (well not the part where I leave Celine) but I found my dream job and applied. Coincidentally, it was in Chicago. I sent my resume, not expecting to hear back. Two hours later, I was asked to interview. I told Celine, half expecting a negative response. But she was so excited. Encouraging, even. I interviewed, was offered the job, and given 24 hours to decide. I started two weeks later.

The Move-In

I ended up staying with her, temporarily. The first month was great. I was starting to think maybe we did have a chance. Pip was happy. I had my dream job. Time passed and I knew it wasn't working. I stayed. Then came a hard phone call. I was diagnosed with skin cancer and scheduled for surgery. I had a black eye, 30 stitches, and a swollen face. The doctor told me: be zen, no crying, no stress for a few weeks. Four days later, face still swollen, she broke up with me. I could feel the blood rush to my face, my nose throbbed. I told myself, don’t cry, you can’t get the bandage wet. Stay zen. My heart ached despite feeling relieved. I have a really hard time breaking up with people. The same part of me that can see potential in business endeavors has made me successful in that arena, but cost me a lot of pain, time and heart ache in matters of the heart.

The Move-Out

Thankfully, I had found an apartment. I moved out three weeks later. I was three and a half hours away from my friends. I called a girl named Sky, we had met three years prior on an app and remained the kind of friends that chatted on the phone now and then. She was nearby and came to help me move. Sure Pipsqueak, I'll be there and she was and we moved and that was that. The time before that was when her brother passed and I went to his funeral. Sometimes people come through your life and you can't explain their presence but she was there for me and for some reason, I love that she has always called me Pipsqueak.